Resting Place

I do not need to be saved.

I do not need to be fixed.

I am not afraid of the tempest

For I can weather any storm.

I have built homes out of ruins

And removed thorns from wounded hearts,

With my bare hands.

I have fought countless battles

And I have learned how to make peace.

I have looked death in the face

Unflinching.

And I have toiled for those I love

Until I had nothing left to give

But the sweat upon my brow.

No, I do not need a savior.

But, sometimes in the darkest hours

I wish I had a place to rest my head.

~Ink me in

Limbo

People fear hell because of the promised torment;

But I’d rather burn for an eternity

Than live trapped in the limbo of your indifference.

This barren landscape is the real hell:

My mind a cruel tormentor.

Images of you with her assault me

I see you loving her, holding her so gently—

A stark contrast to the way you held me.

No, with me you were ruthless

But I drank it in.

I took all of your sharp edges within me

and gave you back warmth and tenderness.

While the scars you made ran red.

I took the pain in too.

It was, after all, part of the gamble.

We were two broken things in the night

Coming together

A little haphazardly perhaps,

But still beautiful in our imperfection.

Or so I thought…

But, to you, I was just a mere lapse in judgement

While she is the Empress you sought.

That’s fair, that’s the game we all play.

The winner takes it all: the loser is discarded.

I made many mistakes that night

Letting you use my body was not one of them,

Letting you into my heart was the biggest one of all.

Now I pay penance for my sins.

Stuck in no man’s land

Forever yearning for a ghost.

~Ink Me In

Unspoken

There are so many things that I didn’t tell you.

Important things; Things that, perhaps, would have changed the ending to our story.

Now they fester in my throat, clawing, scratching.

They want out and they want it bad.

But, it is futile.

I will never let them out, for to let them out would be to betray the small part of me, the only part of me, that I have managed to protect.

I cannot give you this piece.

Even if that means denying myself the closure that I so desperately need.

So I will content myself with the memory of your warmth and the way your body felt against mine.

These words will remain unspoken, and it is perhaps for the best.

For we should not be.

Our union was not meant to last, and in the end you probably deserve better than me.

Someone young, carefree and confident.

Someone who has not been broken down so many times she no longer remembers who she was before the scars.

Someone who knows what it means to be happy.

Not someone who holds on to the memory of it.

And I — I deserve someone who will see the whole truth of me.

Who will see the scars, and kiss them.

Who will watch me break down and make mistakes and hold me afterwards.

I deserve someone who will stay.

Not someone who will ignore me.

I deserve someone who sees me as magnificent, scars and all.

And yet…I want you still.

You were a new hope — A dream I should’ve known better than to chase.

But I did, and for a moment we burned brightly together.

I will content myself with that.

Things I wish you knew

1. I am very indicisive. It takes me 20 minutes just to pick something from a vending machine. This stresses me out too.

2. I. Am. Difficult. There are twists and turns to me you won’t see coming. There are more than a few scars and bumps too.

3. I make many mistakes. For a long time I believed that I,too, was a mistake. Most nights I can not sleep under the weight of so many regrets.

4. I am afraid. I am afraid of clowns, of the dark, of failure, of life. But most of all I am afraid of what I feel for you. And of where these feelings might lead.

5. I am lonely by nature and I hate it, usually.

6. I am inexperienced in love. There have been men in my life. Good men. Bad men. Men that were a beacon of light on those lonely nights when I could feel the darkness closing in. And men who have used me and discarded me like piece of trash. I have loved but have never been loved. How people fall in mutal love is both a mystery and a miracle to me.

7. Related: please be clear with me. I do not understand hints, signals or flirtations.

8. I will always love books and dogs more than humans. Probably, even more than you.

9. I can never find the right words to say. It is a curse and a blessing.

10. I love you.

11. I can never, and will never, tell you.

12. I wish I could.

~Inkmein

The Path

When I was young I used to think broken things were beautiful…and then I was broken.

Now I see them for what they really are, pieces of something that was once whole and will never be again.

Us broken things can only pretend to be whole.

Shine a light on us and you will see us for who we really are.

I am not young anymore, my broken pieces no longer hold any charm.

I keep desperately trying to fix myself, to rise above it all, triumphant–a warrior.

And yet, I keep falling. Time and time again I fall and another precious piece breaks off.

Another scar added to my collection.

I have moved across the world.

I have travelled and seen things. Incredible things.

And yet, I am still broken.

Will I ever be beautiful again?

Here Ends Our Story

You were my not-so-secret secret longing.

The breath I held, dearly, between my lips.

You were the story I wished to tell.

But instead, our story ends here.

Unfinished.

Unwritten.

Unavailable.

Stories

“Are there any stories you wish you had ended differently?” She asked, bright blue drops shining gently at the corner of her mouth.

Mine. I wish my story had ended differently.