Nobody ever tells you how hard it is to cut ties with someone you care about.
Was it always like this? Somehow, I don’t think so.
It must have been easier at some point.
Before the internet connected us all.
Before social media addictions.
Before cell phones made drunken calls that much more likely.
Not that saying goodbye is ever easy,
But even so, I’m sure a few decades ago
Letting go was as simple as erasing a phone number,
Not visiting certain places…perhaps moving away.
It would have been hard, but doable.
One deep breath and a plunge later
And it was over.
Falling in love and falling out of love are both similar in that respect,
They both require great amounts of courage and a certain disregard for personal safety.
It’s not so simple anymore.
Not when ending a relationship has become akin to waging war.
The enemy: social media. The internet. My own damn cell phone.
How can I escape you when the distance between you and me
Only stretches as far as my intoxicated fingertips?
3 double shots of Whiskey and I can still type your name,
I can still call you. I can still see your face.
At the end of the night I am waging battle against myself.
Sometimes I win. More often, I lose.
At the end of the night, “I shouldn’t call him, right?” has become
A familiar refrain to all my friends. A call to arms,
For the Warrior Women who protect their own
With stern voices but gentle eyes.
They wrap their arms around me as we stumble through dizzy streets,
And together we battle against the swirling current of your memory.
On nights like these I often wonder if I’ll ever be able to forget you.
So if you were wondering why I’ve suddenly disappeared
It is because I can’t allow myself to miss you like I do.
I can’t keep looking for you in every person I meet,
And most of all it is because I know one day the inevitable will happen
And I don’t have the confidence to be able to wish you well.
So, I’m going to stop before I create more scars.
I’m sorry, but I can’t be your friend.
-Ink Me In